for Thursday, January 20, 2000
Welcome to this week's Smackdown Report. This week starts with HHH and DX in the office and HHH congratulates the Outlaws for doing so well against that Acolytes that he gives them the night off. HHH tells X- pac that he has to face Test, which he whines about.(little punk…) But HHH says that the winner of that match will be #30 in the Royal Rumble. Roaddogg asks about Cactus Jack and HHH says that he's not there because of a family illness, but HHH says it's really because he's scared to face him. Stephanie says they're going to make this a night to remember.
Big Show is coming to the ring; he's dressed in street clothes, so he's got something to say. He enters the ring and the fans start chanting Rocky's name. Big Show says he should apologize for not being what the fans want and for what he can't and never will be. And that's the Rock. He says that the fans boo him and he takes time to sign autographs, kiss their babies, and so forth. But he says he knows why the fans and the guys in the locker room don't like him, because none of them can be 7 feet tall and 500lbs. He says it drives everyone nuts that they can't stand in the ring and be the most dominating force in the WWF.(well he could be, but….). Rocky chant starts again. Big Show says in order for Rock to win at RR ha has to go through him. Big Show say he will win and go to Wrestlemania. Big Show says he hates Rocky and he calls Rocky out to the ring. Rock comes out(where does he get those shirts?) Big show tells Rock that he can have the people. Finally the Rock has come back to Providence! The Rock makes fun of Big Show's whining and crying, which sets Big Show off. But Rock says that when you insult him you insult the people, and he's left him with two choices. One, Go in the back wait until Sunday and eliminate him in the Royal Rumble, or two, here on his show, he'd walk down the people's ramp(doing it), stop in the middle and inhale the electricity from the million and millions of Rock's fans(does it), keep walking, get in the people's ring, and kick Big Sow's candyass all over Providence! Big show welcomes it, but then the lights go out!(!!!) It's Kane! Oh good Tori is the mouthpiece, she says that Rock and BS think they are the only two capable of winning the Royal Rumble. She reminds them that there are 28 others that feel the same, but there can be only one winner, and that is the Big Red Machine.(She is so bad it hurts….I tell you…) They start to walk down to the ring, and now HHH is coming out! He says that they are all a bunch of egomaniacs and that they are going to the RR so they can step into the ring with him at Wrestlemania. HHH says that to the winner of the RR, Wrestlemania will be one long night and one big disappointment, because he will go in as WWF champ, and come out still WWF champ. He says since they all are so eager to fight, the three of them(Kane, Rock, BS) will compete in the first ever Triple Threat(Steph whispers in his ear)Over the top rope(slut chant begins) HHH says not to talk about Tori like that(LOL!)Lumberjack match.(Triple Threat Over the top Rope Lumberjack match?) He says that 27 other guys will come down to the ring and surround it. The person who is left standing after throwing his opponents over the top is the winner. HHH says the only difference with this 'Royal Rumble' is that the winner doesn't get to go to Wrestlemania to face him. The Rock says that HHH can throw every kind of match at him, it doesn't matter, he says he'll kick HHH's ass, the Big Red Retard's(it is at this point that Big Show comes out of the ring and attacks the Rock from behind.) Kane then attacks Big Show and they fight back and forth. Rock goes and gets a steel chair and cracks both Kane and Big Show with it.
They show footage from the bar that the Acolytes trashed the last time they were in Providence.
X-pac is on his way out now. He's facing Test and whoever wins is #30 in the Royal Rumble. Test makes his way to the ring. They lock up and Test just throws X-pac to the mat. X-pac gets back to his feet and then beckons Test. He kicks Test in the midsection and then lands a couple right hands to his face. He takes the nose protector off and hits him with it.(I don't know why he keeps wearing that thing to the ring, that is a big ol' target!) X-pac whips him to the ropes, but test reverses and nails X-pac with a reverse elbow. Test then clotheslines him to the outside. X-pac climbs back up on the apron, he spits in Test's face which causes Test to chase after him on the outside. X-pac lures Test in then sends him into the steel steps. He throws Test back into the ring and continues to pound on him. Test fights his way back up and sends X-pac to the ropes. He misses a clothesline, but catches X-pac with a spinning sidewalk slam. Test covers but X-pac kicks out. Test sends him to the corner and rushes in, but X-pac counters with a boot to the face. Test is stunned, X-pac runs at him but catches a boot to the face from Test flattening him to the floor!(oo that hurt!) Test signals for the end, slams X-pac and climbs the turnbuckle for the elbow. Hey! The Outlaws come running out! I thought they had the night off! Roaddogg distracts the ref and Billy pulls Test off the top. X-pac nails the X Factor and pins Test for the win.(of course) X-pac wins with help from the Outlaws and he is #30 in the Royal Rumble.
Backstage DX is celebrating what just happened and now the Outlaws say they have to find something to do since they have the night off. HHH tells them not to get into any trouble.
Elsewhere, Blackman and Al Snow are walking backstage. Blackman says that if Al screws up or tries to hit him with Head, it'll be Al's skull that he'll split. Al says the aggression levels are running a bit too high, that he and Blackman are the perfect partners. Al says that his last partner, Mick Foley, has three personalities. He says Blackman has no personality(LOL…ain't that the truth!) Al says it'll be perfect, he has a ton of charisma and Blackman has none…(LOL…..never thought Blackman's weaknesses could be used for something!)
Oh here comes the Ignorant Irritating Idiot, Kurt No Angle! He's with the British Bulldog. Angle says that Sunday there is supposed to be an unnamed opponent that will end his winning streak.(I bet I know who that is!!) Everything else he talks about is not worth repeating…….Al and Blackman come to the ring now. Blackman and Angle start. Angle rushes Blackman but he moves, sending Angle into the corner. Al holds Angle while Blackman pounds on him. Angle reverses a whip to the ropes, Blackman misses with a clothesline, Angle catches a kick from Blackman and nails a bell to belly suplex. He then tags the Bulldog in. He nails Blackman with a reverse elbow, then whips him to the corner. Blackman reverses and runs in after the Bulldog bit gets caught with a boot to the face. Bulldog lifts him for the power slam, but Al pulls Blackman off and Blackman nails the Lethal kick, then climbs to the top and lands a jumpkick off the top to Bulldog's face. He covers, and pins him! Blackman and Al win the match!(Okay I'm shocked too.)
Terri and the Hardys are on their way out to ringside, and then the Dudleys come out. Matt is facing Devon. Devon wastes no time coming to the ring and Matt attacks him as soon as he gets there. Devon reverses a whip, leapfrogs over Matt, Matt with a kick to the midsection, then to the ropes for a swinging neckbreaker! He goes for the quick cover, but Devon kicks out. Devon reverses a whip to the corner, but Matt catches him with a reverse elbow, followed up with a bodyslam. Matt comes off the second rope with an elbow and covers Devon again for a 2 count. Matt whips Devon to the corner again. He runs in but Devon moves. Matt catches himself by landing feet first on the second buckle, but Devon comes in and catches him with a neckbreaker ! Matt reverses a whip to the corner, he rushes in and Devon vaults him over the top, but Matt lands on his feet. He pulls Devon to the mat and Matt climbs to the top and doses a dropdown backflip off the ropes on top of Devon for a cover. Devon still gets the shoulder up at two. Matt goes for a suplex , but Devon blocks it and counters wit one of his own, but Matt flips out and lands on his feet. He catches Devon with the quick neckbreaker and goes for the pin. Bubba pulls Matt to the outside and sends him into the steps. The ref calls for the bell. Jeff runs over and misses a clothesline, he runs at Bubba again and he lifts and drops Jeff on the barricade. He then gets a steel chair and busts Matt in the head with it. He cracks Jeff with the chair and then punches out the ref! Bubba had that sadistic look in his eye again and tells Devon to take Matt up the ramp. They go to the top of the ramp and Bubba sets up two tables on the floor below the ramp. Devon beats up Matt on the ramp. Bubba comes up and sets up Matt for a powerbomb onto the tables. Terri is pleading with the Dudleys not to do it. Jeff comes from nowhere and hits Bubba in the back with a chair, Devon gets hit in the head. Bubba is teetering on the edge of the ramp, and Jeff hits him in the head with the chair and Bubba falls off the side through the tables! Jeff then sets up another table and sets Devon on it. Matt jumps off the stage and lands a leg drop onto Devon through the table! Everyone's destroyed! This is just a taste of the tag team table match at RR.
The Outlaws are outside a bar called the Friendly Tap. They go in and are instantly recognized by a familiar face……
Back in the dressing room, Crash Holly is whining to Hardcore about having no competition and nothing to do. Hardcore tells him to go out and find himself some, he's going to be busy with Chyna and Jericho as partners tonight. They continue to argue and Hardcore throws Crash out the dressing room into Viscera. Crash obviously not thinking clearly challenges Viscera to a match.
Here comes Too Cool and Rikishi set for a six man tag match against Hardcore Holly, Chyna, and Jericho. Jericho talks about everyone in the ring, referring to the Cantina scene in Star Wars(hehe..), calling Too Cool a couple of Vanilla Ice wannabes, Chyna a freak of nature and Kat her mini me little buddy, Holly a bleach blonde buffoon(hehehe….) and Rikishi a really fat guy in a diaper(I only mentioned all this cause I thought it was funny.) Hardcore Holly and Grandmaster Sex-AY start. Quick headlock by Grandmaster, Holly throws him to the ropes and drops down letting Grandmaster pass over, and again, and Holly nails a dropkick. He whips him to the ropes again, misses with a clothesline, Grandmaster slide under Holly and nails him with a full nelson takedown. Grandmaster starts the Cabbage Patch and Holly tags Jericho. Jericho hits Grandmaster with a clothesline. He sends Grandmaster to the corner and he runs in but gets caught with a stiff kick to the face! Grandmaster climbs to the second rope and nails Jericho with a bulldog! He tags in Scottie and he goes for the Centipede/Worm and elbowdrop. He sends Jericho to the ropes and Jericho comes off with a flying forearm. He then catches Scottie with a double arm backbreaker! Jericho is on the offense now and he bodyslams Taylor to the mat. He goes for the Asai moonsault off the second rope but Scottie puts up his knees. Scottie tags Rikishi and starts workin' Jericho! A whip to the ropes, misses a clothesline but nails the Samoan drop! Holly comes in and also gets a Samoan drop! Chyna comes in and he sets her up for the sitout piledriver, but Jericho interrupts that. Everyone's in the ring now, Jericho works on Rikishi in the corner, Holly dumps Taylor to the outside, Grandmaster tries a powerbomb on Chyna, but she drops down and nails a low blow! She knocks him out of the ring and she and Holly run over to help Jericho with Rikishi. Chyna pushes Holly out of the way and he pushes her back. They face each other and she pushes him back. Holly responds with a clothesline. Jericho then knocks Holly to the mat. Rikishi then nails Jericho and then Holly with a superkick, and belly to belly suplexes Chyna!(oh no…Chyna….)He then drags here over to the corner….(oh please no somebody stop him!) He's going up, Jericho is outside with a chair and see Rikishi, but he hits Hardcore Holly with it! No no no, Rikishi comes off with the splash!(oh…Chyna, I can't look…) Too Cool and Rikishi are the winners by disqualification. Excuse me for a moment while I cry……….
Back to the bar and the Outlaws are talking to the guy that armwrestled Bradshaw the last time. The guys are saying how they could have beat them. Roaddogg says that they'll take care of them at the Royal Rumble. One of the other guys says that the Acolytes are pretty tough and says that they'll take the Outlaws' belts. Billy grabs the guy and Roaddogg smashes a beer bottle on his head and they throw him out. Now that they've proven how tough they are, the guys invite them to a game of pool. OOO, well lookee here, Bradshaw and Faarooq seem to be watching all this on a monitor back at the arena. Bradshaw's laughing, Faarooq says it looks like the Outlaws are having big fun. Bradshaw tells him that he looks thirsty. Faarooq says his throat has been rather dry lately and Bradshaw offers to take him for a drink.(this will be good…)
Back at ringside, Bossman is on his way out. And now out comes Prince Albert. Guess this is a grudge match since Albert caused Bossman to lose the Hardcore Title to Test. Albert gets in the ring and they tear into each other like rabid dogs. Albert whips Bossman to the ropes but Bossman slides under, Albert goes after him and Bossman tries to pull Albert out but he kicks Bossman into the announce table. Albert goes out and picks up Bossman and rams his back into the post and then dumps him back into the ring. Albert goes for the cover but Bossman gets his foot on the ropes. He picks Bossman up off the mat and Bossman sticks Albert in the eyes, then delivers several of those nasty punches of his sending Albert to the corner. He whips Albert to the ropes and nails a clothesline. He continues the assault, but Albert reverses a whip to the corner and then runs in and nails Bossman with a clothesline. He hangs Bossman on the second rope then pushes him outside. The ref gets in Albert's way and Albert pushes him into Bossman, who throws him into the ring apron. Bossman and Albert go at it, and the ref calls for the bell. Refs and officials come down and break them up.
Lillian is with the Rock and she asks him about being in the first ever Triple Threat, Over the top Rope Lumberjack match. Rock says on the one hand you have a tall, statuesque retard, who you can't understand the words he's saying, and then you have Kane.(lol) He says that neither Kane or Big Show or any of the other 27 Jabronis have what the Rock has and that is the Rock Bottom, the People's Eyebrow, and the most electrifying move in sports entertainment, the People's Elbow. He says that above all that none of them will ever have the Rock's fans chanting his name.(they chant his name) If you smell what the Rock is Cookin'.
Viscera is heading to the ring. I really do not know what Crash is thinking about here but this ought to be fun to watch. Crash comes to the ring quickly and they prepare to square off. Viscera immediately throws Crash over the top to the outside. Crash is back in quickly and attacks Vis, but he stops it cold with a headbutt. He tries to dump him back out but Crash hangs on and is back in Viscera's face! Viscera reverses a whip to the ropes, misses a clothesline, and Crash just runs into him which almost knocks Crash down. He recovers and runs at Vis who nails him with that back heel kick! Vis slams Crash's head to the buckle, then sends him to one corner and back to the other. Vis sets himself up and runs at Crash in the corner, but Crash moves and he nails Viscera with a dropkick. He kicks him in the corner then headlocks him and climbs the ropes for leverage and nails a DDT! Crash goes for a cover, but Viscera kicks out with authority. Crash then leaps to the top rope and nails a dropkick, but Viscera does not go down. Vis is stunned, Crash dropkicks his leg. Crash leaps to the top again and goes for a body splash, but Viscera catches him on his back and Samoan drops him. Vis goes for a body splash but Crash moves. Crash with an advantage(I can't believe he's doing this good.) Vis reverses a whip, Crash slides under his legs and dropkicks him in the leg again. Crash runs to the ropes and leaps on Viscera's back. Viscera catches him spins him around and powerbombs him!(goodbye!) Viscera then connects with the bodysplash!(oh really Goodbye!!)Vis gets the three count and the win. Crash put up a good fight though.
Edge is shown pacing in the back.
Edge comes out to the ring, he's going to be taking on…..Gangrel? Well this is interesting. They lock up and struggle to the corner. Ref calls for a break and Gangrel nails a cheap shot. He continues to pound Edge into the corner. Edge reverses a whip to the corner and Gangrel rebounds out and Edge nails a back body drop followed by a heel kick. Gangrel tries to reverse a whip to the ropes but slips and Edge kicks him in the midsection and goes for a swinging neckbreaker but Gangrel counters and goes for the Impaler DDT but Edge blocks and counters with a side Russian leg sweep. He covers Gangrel and gets a 2 count. He whips Gangrel to the ropes and sets up the spear, but Gangrel slips to the outside. Edge runs and dives over the rope on top of Gangrel then throws him back into the ring. Luna comes over and starts talking to him about something, must be about the rumor that he's one of the judges at the Miss Royal Rumble Pageant….hey here come the rest of the entrants, Jackie, BB, Ivory, Kat, Terri…..hey what's Mae doing out here? They all surround him and he tries to climb back in the ring before the ten count, but Mae grabs him and plants a big one on him!! LOLOL! The look on Edge face is priceless! Nevertheless he gets counted out and Gangrel wins. Poor Edge…..
Back at the bar The Acolytes have arrived! Bradshaw slaps his quarter on the bar and asks for a drink. Everyone is slowly filing out of the bar.(*L*) They notice how they've fixed the place up(except Faarooq notices the broken glass on the bar from Roaddogg's beer bottle). They don't seem to notice the Outlaws in the back playing pool…….
All 27 superstars are now coming to the ring for the match of the night.
Back at the bar the Acolytes are enjoying their beers, Bradshaw wonders where the bartender went, and just assumes it's self serve.(heheh…that Bradshaw is crazy.) He goes behind the bar to get two more beers and he notices the guy he arm wrestled in the back. He tells Faarooq and they both notice the Outlaws.(lol…Bradshaw says it's the WWF tag team champions of the wooooorrrlld!) Faarooq acts starstruck and can't believe it's them. Bradshaw says his dog would kill him if he didn't get an autograph for him!(ahahahahahaha!!!) Bradshaw is a total trip! They go over to 'meet' them. Bradshaw tells Roaddogg that his hat looks a lot bigger on TV.(I am no more good at this point.) He tells them they are great at pool, but he asks how they are at two-stepping. At that the fight breaks loose and the Acolytes destroy everything in their path. They destroy the other two guys but somehow the Outlaws manage to escape. After they have their fun, they are about to leave when Faarooq notices a neon sign for the Boston Red Sox. Bradshaw takes a chair and smashes it. He mentions the Curse of the Bambino. They are my boys!
Okay back to the arena and it's KANE!! Then the Big Show comes to the ring. Last but not least The Rock! Rock gets to the ring and he and Big Show go at it. Kane watches for a bit, then joins in, giving Rock a shot to the throat. Big Show and Kane then proceed to destroy the Rock in the corner. Big Show slips in an elbow to Kane that just makes him mad and he attacks Big Show. Big Show counterattacks sending Kane to the corner. Kane reverses Big Show and he beats on him in the corner. Rock is still in the corner. Big Show reverses a whip to the corner and send Kane towards the Rock. Rock ducks a clothesline and then nails Kane with a DDT. He then goes back at it with Big Show. He lifts Big Show to try to put him over the top, and Kane comes over to help. Big Show is able to fight them both off but they continue the assault. The both send Big Show to the ropes but he nails both of them with a flying clothesline. Kane sit back up and is able to nail Big Show with an insiguri. Rock then gets up and attacks Kane. Kane reverses a whip and catches Rock with a boot to the face. Kane takes Rock to the corner and works on him, Big Show is still down. Kane tries to put Rock out, but He sees Big Show get up and try to attack, and he hits him with an elbow. Big Show reverses a whip, misses with a clothesline, but catches Kane with a powerslam. Rock is back over and hits Big Show with right hands. Big Show reverses a whip and Big Show tries to send Rock over the top to the outside, but Rock hangs on and slides back in. He attacks Big Show with clotheslines, the third of which knocks him down. Meanwhile Kane has climbed to the top rope and nails Rock with a flying clothesline! Kane signals for the end, and goes for the Tombstone, but Rock slips out and counters with a leg sweep. Rock catches Big Show in the Rock Bottom, but Big Show counters and grabs Rock by the throat and throws him over the top to the floor. He then grabs Kane and chokeslams him!(grrr!) Big Show then starts mouthing with the Rock and the Rock comes running back into the ring and Big Show attacks him. He throws him to the ropes, but Rock hooks up the Rock Bottom and delivers it. Kane then attacks and knocks the Rock over the top again. Then Big Show runs at Kane and Kane vaults him over the top to the outside! Kane wins! Kane wins! I don't believe it! Uh oh, now all the 27 wrestlers get in the ring and start beating on each other. It's a battle royal right now!
HHH and Stephanie see X-pac off, and he even hugs Stephanie(Aww..isn't that sweet…..ack!)
So, now what, HHH and Stephanie are coming out now. What do they want? HHH talks about the Royal Rumble a year ago, and shows the footage of Rock and Mankind, when Rock hit a handcuffed Mankind 15 times in the head with a chair. He talks about Mick's wife and kids being in the front row for that and how they were crying. He says they were crying because they realized that their father was a loser and a failure. He tells Cactus not to bring his children to New York or let them watch the PPV on TV, because what the Rock did to him last year was nothing. He will take it to another level at the Royal Rumble. He says he will revel in every minute of the bloody beating that he will give Cactus, and when his kids are crying he will love every minute of it. After that Cactus Jack's music plays and out he comes!(somehow I figured he'd show up.) Cactus agrees with HHH that they won't be in New York or in front of the TV, but he's not worried about them seeing what happens to him, but what he will do to HHH. He says he doesn't want them to see how bad their dad can be or to see the bloodshed that will take place. He tells him that he doesn't think that he won't show up with just a few surprises for HHH, namely sharp, metallic objects!(ooo goody!) He tells HHH that he will turn him into the world's largest pincushion. He says that his kids will not be watching the PPV, but they are watching Smackdown now, and he doesn't want to deprive them of a little action, so he's going to give them a little taste of what the Royal Rumble will be like. He rushes the ring and HHH comes outside to meet him and they go at it! Cactus slams HHH into the steps, then just pounds the living hell out of him! He goes for a steel chair but HHH moves out of the way. HHH tries to run into the crowd, but Cactus catches him and they fight back and forth. Cactus tries to throw HHH into the announce table, but HHH blocks and sends Cactus into it, then he hits Cactus with a chair! Cactus is laid up on the table and HHH hits him again with the chair! HHH sets him up for the pedigree on the table(not again), but Cactus counters with a low blow, then piledrives HHH on the table!(It did not break!) He then cracks HHH in the head with a chair! HHH is busted open, will we have a new champ at the Royal Rumble? See y'all next week!
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